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Lost Innocence

Childhood is a beautiful time in one’s life. Playing, learning and loving; this is all children care about. They are God’s way of saying that the world needs to move on, do better. A child’s innocence is beautiful, the smile is infectious.

I wonder the last time Ashifa smiled. I wonder what was going through her mind when she was abducted, help captive in a TEMPLE, drugged and raped, gang raped. And, I cannot. I just cannot imagine.

This is being justified as a step to drive out the Bakherwal people from a village. This is being touted as communal move.

No religion supports inhumanity. Taking away a child’s innocence is not preached by any God.

This act is heinous and I am sure God has left us. We humans are his worse creation. Justifying and supporting these incidents on his name is certainly not what he wants. Building temples and raping little girls in it! No wonder women are not let in temples during menses, we are the unholy ones! He has left us, and now we only have beasts and satans around us.

Indians think cows are more important. The beef lynches plagued the country and that was supported but nobody wants to raise their voice in support of the children. There were protests against a character represented in a movie. But this, on this there is silence.

The violence against women is a lost cause. Even after Nirbhaya, the incidents continued, the illogical and illiterate comments continued. And we women have learnt to live with it.

Now it’s the children, now what? How are these little girls enticing? Will you say that she crossed a line while playing? What now?

Among the accused there is a juvenile as well. And this is not the first case with a juvenile involved in rape and murder. This is what we are encouraging our youth with. The country has a bright future.

“Hindu activists argue that some of the police officers who worked on the case are, like Asifa, Muslims – and cannot be trusted, according to the Times. Dozens of Hindu women have helped block a highway and organize a hunger strike.

“They are against our religion,” Bimla Devi, a protester, told the New York Times. She said that if the accused men weren’t freed, “we will burn ourselves.”” An excerpt from a news article.

I wish they burn themselves. I know for a fact that there is no heaven, we don’t deserve even the thought of heaven. But, sure wish there is hell and a special kind of hell for such people.

Imagine her screams, the confusion and the pain she went through. This is what was given to her in name of Hindu and Muslim, in name of land and temple.

I am sorry our freedom fighters, our ansectors, you fought for us to have a better world, but we disappointed you and made it worse.

Sorry Nirbhaya, Sorry Aruna; you died in vain, your fight means nothing to communal crazy people. Everything is politics and no child is worth more than religion, God and votes. I am sorry we did not realize this sooner!

The Pseudo Affluent

Food, clothing and roof are the necessities that have existed from the being of time. We get educated and work or just work to fulfill these necessities.

I am a member of the herd and work for an IT company in Bangalore. I have friends and colleagues from different cities and different walks of life. But, all of them are working.

Now, in all the hype of the metro city and the working class; people do not realize that our life is very difficult.

A person working for a good company and makes a decent amount of money every month is expected to have the following:

  • A car
  • A flat with all amenities and good location.
  • A taste for expensive food and drinks.
  • Love for movies to an extent that you pay obnoxious amount for tickets.
  • Expensive clothes and shoes.
  • Expensive haircuts.
  • High end phones.

Now all these things are expensive and are usually on EMI and Credit Cards. By the end of it the money we owe is so much that a good part of the salary goes into paying it off.

When has show off become a necessity? Who has come up with the idea of paying 3000 for a shirt or kurti, 1000 for a haircut, 3000 on an average for food and drinks (if out with friends)?

There is no parking space and the traffic is crazy, yet, everyone wants a personal car.

There is no surety or guarantee of a job stability and sure increase of property rates but, everyone wants to buy a house.

Expensive foreign food items are a classy thing to eat. Our humble roti, dal and chawal is fattening and unhealthy.

Why have we created these notions? The fake sense of doing well in life only through materialistic things.

We work a minimum of 8 hrs a day and 5 days a week to increase stress of finances?

I seriously do not understand this trend. I do not follow any of it. I discourage my friends to follow the crowd on this.

We need to break this monotony of the working class and break the pseudoism.

We work hard and let us live it up. Do not let these false expectations swallow us whole.

Narcissism!

“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”

― Michael Bassey Johnson

These parasites are the Narcissist people that you and I know. And, I know that breed a little too well. I was in love with one for 9 years.

It was the same usual routine. The beginning was great. Caring, sweet, helpful and thoughtful. With time, he started created distance. The first time I confronted him. He said he likes me but does not love me. I am his close friend.

I took it on me to make myself better. To be the kind of person he would fall in love with. I kept silent when he would sleep around. He would not find time for me as he had his commitments elsewhere. After years of being “together” and never admitting that we are, he leaves me for another girl he supposedly “loves”. (same community, fair and good looking).

It took him no time to push me away out of his life. He never took account of the person I am. He never really cared. His only concern was his family and how he can make them happy. This is not wrong. It is nice. But that does not mean he gets the right to hurt whoever he wants. Play with their emotions. Use them for financial gain. That is just wrong!

He has made me bitter. I realized in my ruins that he is arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.

It was always about him. His problems, his needs.

This is what Narcissist do. I did not know or believe this back then. But if you see the following traits in that special someone, run……….. run as far as you can.

  • Exaggerates own importance in a shy and subtle way.
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance.
  • Believes he or she is special and cannot be understood
  • Requires constant attention and admiration from others
  • Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
  • Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
  • Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes

He has never turned back to see if I am alive or Ok! And this gave me the strength to seek professional help.

I did, I stronger and I believe in self-love. I feel free. Awake!

Nobody deserves to be with a Narcissist. They need help. But if we do not understand and take measures, we are the ones needing help.

I do not interact with anybody who show the slightest signs of being a Narcissist. And you should not too.

They are addictive and we need to overcome our addictions!

I will just leave you with this:

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.”

—Karla Grimes

Humanism!!!

“Human rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights, once and for all.” —Hillary Clinton

This quote by Hillary Clinton is the real definition of being a feminist. But is it really about women?

Why do we have to segregate men and women yet again? Feminist and masculinist.

Why can we not say I am a humanist? Not a feminist. Not a feminazi. Not a misogynist. Not a Misandrist. Not a homophobe.

We need a constant reminder that we are human first and then a woman, a man and third gender (the forgotten and the most condemned gender).

human

Violence, sexual abuse, corruption and misemployment affect each one of us.  They are the real issues. The segregation of genders is to politicize the issues and not find a real solution.

The real solution is empathy and equality. Every person has equal right to education, employment, religion and love. No politics or religion can say otherwise.

Since I live in India, my perception is based on the situations around me.

We do not have the sense of equality in India. We have 262 million users of Facebook in India. (source: google) Out of which a good number of users are from the urban India. We diligently share and forward the messages on equality and corruption. But we change nothing in our personal lives.

The concept of freedom to select employment, religion and sex is new for us.

madiba

 

However, we are making progress. Slow and steady we are joining the human-race.

Society is not just men, so the women need to stop blaming just men. If there is domestic violence, rape or abuse, the person has had a wrong upbringing. And upbringing is not just by a single person but by the society and within the society.  So, everyone’s at fault.

We need to raise better. Believe that we are equal, only then can we teach our kids that we are all equal. That is the real strength. And that may just make this world a better place for our future generations.

Human-Rights-816x459

Let us not be anything but humanist and everything that our hearts desire!

The Hot Machismo vs The Coy Femininity

On the eve of women’s day( no pun intended :P), I appreciate all the wishes in form of messages and forwards. Women wish each other, our male friends and colleagues wish us. The day is celebrated with chocolates and flowers. A sweet gesture to honor 49.6% of population in the world.

womens-day-greeting

However, we do not ask for it. We don’t need to feel special or different. We need to feel equal.

Rebecca Walker | writer, feminist and activist says:

“Helping men understand that toxic masculinity is learned, not born, and endangers not just women but men, animals, plants and the future of humanity itself. To cultivate and partner with men who understand that patriarchy is killing them too; what they mistake for privilege is simply another form of bondage.”

rebbeca

Yes, finally! It is just not about being a feminist, or matching men with manly manners. It is about balance, a balance that will provide well for children, our future generations. A better society, less crime, less emasculation.

We must live up to the roles that are carved for us. A woman is supposed to behave, think and do things a certain way; coy, not too loud, understated, always pretty and dependent.

A man is supposed to behave, think and do things a certain way: aggression, raw, rough and independent.

Just as we women are under constant pressure to live up to the expectations, so are men. They constantly have to prove their masculinity. To be a man you need to be strong, broad, devoid of sensitivity, breadwinner, decision maker and live with the thought that women are the weaker race.

As women we are taught to believe that a man has to be all of this and only then he is worthy of you.

With changing times, the imbalance of power and freedom has led to the new age relationships where feelings and love do not exist. People do not understand loyalty. They are constantly competing. The sense of support is lost.

Women do not trust to have a man in their lives anymore. They do not know who, why and what are they looking for!

Same is with men, they do not know how to adjust to the change of women from their moms age to the present-day girls.

We need to be more accommodating with the changes. Women want to be educated, they want to be a part of the families they are born into and then married into.

It is ok if a man wants to be a chef or a dancer or a stay at home dad. It is their choice. Let us stop judging. Stop creating stereotypes. Let each write their own story man, woman or third gender.

What you want is what you get.

So a Happy Woman’s Day may we be strong, raise better, be more accepting.