I have finally reached the peak. The summit of it all. This is where I wanted to be but never expected to be. I have reached a new point in being away from emotions. And it feels good!
I have been through a bad marriage. An incomplete relationship before that. I was always been accused of being a sensitive soul by people around me. A bit of love or family drama on TV would make me cry like a baby. I would think on it for the longest time.
It was easy for people to hurt me and even easier for me to put myself in situations that hurt me very bad or rather left me scarred. I always wanted to be emotionally independent. I did not want to give the control of my life to anybody else. And most importantly my heart and soul. It is easy for us to fall in love. We do not really think about the consequences that the love will bring. Oh! Please don’t get me wrong. I understand that love is beautiful and fulfilling but I strongly believe it is not for everyone. Here, I am specifically talking about being a couple.
Like everybody else, I embarked on the journey of love. All hopeful, dreamy hopelessly romantic and forgiving. But what did I get in return hurt, heartache, abuses, insults and hatred. I understand that a few wrongs do not make the entire life wrong but, I have become wiser. I now try to categorize my feelings. I have divided various aspects of my life into career, family, fun and miscellaneous. I don’t not at any occasion mix them together. This has really helped me a lot to get hold of my emotions. Now I make a conscious effort to not to put myself in a situation that can hurt me. For me now, everything around me is just a part of my need and nothing more. I am in the process of handling my needs better. I might come out as a snob, rude or fake but it really does not affect me anymore because now I am at peace. I know I don’t have to spend any more time healing!
I tell myself I am a seed.
“They tried to bury us, but they did not know we were seed.”—Mexican Proverb.